Lesson. Me. Teacher. God.
So I was laying Isaac down for a nap the other night and he has been snuffly and kinda sick so I prayed over him and asked God for a good sleep and healing from this sickness. I layed Isaac down and went off about my nightly relaxation. (get to the couch as soon as I can ... go .. go go .. haha ok its not really that bad .. mostly) Anyways, I just sit down really and Isaac is crying. I go back upstairs, pick him up and begin to just cuddle him and rock him back and forth. And so I begin arguing with God. (I have to learn to pick my moments better)
At this point I am frustrated with God and I am asking why Isaac is still sick. Why? Really, isn't my faith big enough? I prayed. I believe God heals. Sometimes I get into a bit with God over things like this. (hmmm is this starting to look like one of my boys saying,"but I want a cookie now .. not later.") So anyways, quite frustrated, meanwhile Isaac has fallen asleep in my arms and I say to God, maybe I should just stand here rocking him all night. Maybe I should just rock him until you tell me to stop. (imagine all that in a bit of a huffy sort of voice) And God says, "Would you?"
"Huh? Would I what?"
"Would you rock him until I tell you to stop?"
I start to think about the movie downstairs, my snack, my couch. I start thinking about standing here until I have to go to work in the morning, being exhausted and wondering if I have to call in (not sick) and say I can't come in yet, I'm waiting for God to tell me I can put my baby down. And I say to God ...
"Probably not."
"Then your faith is not big enough."
Ouch.
"So what am I supposed to do then? How do I grow my faith? How is this supposed to work?"
"Seek, read my Word and fill yourself up."
So I was schooled. Keep in mind, the conversation above did indeed happen. Some people maybe find it offensive I am typing what I am supposing is God speaking. Absolutely. That is what I believe God said to me. No question in my heart. It was God. Can we move past that now?
So much hits me out of this moment. For right now, obviously the "ouch" moment was certainly, well, ouchy. But I think I see an avenue of growing and learning from this. Also, why do we suppose right off that God will want us to do what we least want to do? When God challenged, immediately I began thinking, "oh man this is going to go all night." But is it so unlikely that it might have only been 2 minutes if I had just submitted my will to Him? One last thing is the word seek. It is a word that comes up a lot for me, whenever I have received prophetic words or in conversation with God. I think I am a seeker but I get easily distracted.
So there it is.
Teachable Moment.
Thanx God.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Inconsistentcy
So did I mention I might be totally inconsistent at this blog writing "thing"? I know, I know, all my followers have been waiting with breath held wondering what great words I will spout next. I'm just not a very structured person. I mean, I do like things a certain comfortable way, my wife can attest to my wont to be a professional homebody. But I am terrible at making time for things. To really write, I need to set time aside. To really get to know God, I need to set time aside. To really eat, I need to .. oh yeah I seem to be able to do that no problem. Upon reflection maybe I need to reallocate food inhalation time to writing and/or God time. I could solve many problems at once. Honestly though, inconsistency haunts me like stomach pains after eating too much for Christmas dinner. Opportunistic. Just had that word pop into my head. Maybe that's how I describe myself. I don't think it's altogether bad. We do need to grab the moments we can. Make the most of every chance. But at the same time its easy to let things slide. And I don't want to let my relationship with Christ slide. Nothing against slides. At all. Well, excpet for those metal ones on a +30 day. That's just not right. What were people thinking when they made those? On the chance all our cooking appliances fail, we all will plan to meet at the playground and serve up some hamburgers. It's an end of days thing.
On to something completely different ....
The Maple Leafs are 3-0-0-0. Wow. What a start to the season. I watched the game tonight against Pittsburgh and as a game to measure themselves by, they did alright. Top line was almost non-existent but every other line showed up and if you have followed the Leafs at all for the past few years .. that's unheard of. The third line continues to impress and the 4th line has more than just muscle. They can score and they have hustle. Mike Brown looks like a steal for the 5th round pick they dealt. Anyways, just a blurb on the team I cheer for. People that want to hear about the Maple Leafs are few and far between so I will try not to let too many words settle on the subject.
Again, something different. ....
The fire closest to him raged in a surge that snapped his eyes alert. He felt the intensity blaze across his face and the smell of burning hair coaxed him off the floor and to a sitting position. He groaned audibly though he was certain the groan of his body made the louder noise. How long had he been out? He glanced about the dark cavern quickly. He seemed to have no eyes heavy on him. Odd. Normally in the time it took for his eyelids to close, a rod or chain or some other heavy hurtful object would have crashed across his body. Laying down was for people and we were no longer people they told us. We were "to work" and that was that. Tworks. They liked that name for us. So us Tworks worked; cracking rocks, melting rocks, and sifting out what the fires left behind. There was the treasure unblemished by flames. Find one and you had earned a rest. Such was the hitch; many Tworks collapsed and found eternal rest long before a good night's sleep. He always just seemed to be one of the lucky ones. Depending on what you thought lucky was. Always found one when he needed one. Perhaps it only delayed his time in the caverns though. He hadn't found one now in three days. Maybe this was his new lucky.
He shuffled his worn feet to the fire erupting out of the ground. Gingerly, he passed a tray of stones over the flames and watched as they broke down and drained off the tray. Sweat no longer trailed down his face; he was drenched in it; he was a trail of sweat. He coughed hoarsely as the heat trickled down his throat. He shuffled closer. Might be easier this way. He felt the stone floor burning into his leathered feet. He closed his eyes. he couldn't hold them open to oppose the flames. Just step in and be done. This Twork was finished. A smile crept across his face as he mouthed the word .. Twork.
Cool breeze. He shivered. When was the last time he had shivered? A soft breeze played across his burned and weathered cheek. He sighed as he dropped to his knees and fell back to sitting. It should have been shocking but it was good. It was comfortable. It said, relax, be at peace. It actually said that. His eyes popped open.
A blue fog filled the cavern so richly that he could no longer even make out the fire right in front of him. All his eyes could find was what appeared to be the figure of a man dressed in a cloak.
"Now is your time, my son. Your path is before you. Your stone has been melted away and here you are," the voice was rich and deep though set in a whisper. But the words delivered such authority. "Pick up your shovel; you have many stones to melt far away from here but your first lies deeper yet in these caverns. Go to him. Go to Dahr Groa."
The blue fog began to shimmer. "Even in darkness, light dawns for the upright."
Oved picked up his shovel and began to walk. The heat flared against him once again but with something less than it once had, he thought. He was supposed to go find .. him? Dah Groa? The Keeper of the Bloodsand Quarry Prison? The one in charge of keeping him trapped in this underground prison? Though his mind questioned his every step, Oved's every step set sure and soundly forward.
On to something completely different ....
The Maple Leafs are 3-0-0-0. Wow. What a start to the season. I watched the game tonight against Pittsburgh and as a game to measure themselves by, they did alright. Top line was almost non-existent but every other line showed up and if you have followed the Leafs at all for the past few years .. that's unheard of. The third line continues to impress and the 4th line has more than just muscle. They can score and they have hustle. Mike Brown looks like a steal for the 5th round pick they dealt. Anyways, just a blurb on the team I cheer for. People that want to hear about the Maple Leafs are few and far between so I will try not to let too many words settle on the subject.
Again, something different. ....
The fire closest to him raged in a surge that snapped his eyes alert. He felt the intensity blaze across his face and the smell of burning hair coaxed him off the floor and to a sitting position. He groaned audibly though he was certain the groan of his body made the louder noise. How long had he been out? He glanced about the dark cavern quickly. He seemed to have no eyes heavy on him. Odd. Normally in the time it took for his eyelids to close, a rod or chain or some other heavy hurtful object would have crashed across his body. Laying down was for people and we were no longer people they told us. We were "to work" and that was that. Tworks. They liked that name for us. So us Tworks worked; cracking rocks, melting rocks, and sifting out what the fires left behind. There was the treasure unblemished by flames. Find one and you had earned a rest. Such was the hitch; many Tworks collapsed and found eternal rest long before a good night's sleep. He always just seemed to be one of the lucky ones. Depending on what you thought lucky was. Always found one when he needed one. Perhaps it only delayed his time in the caverns though. He hadn't found one now in three days. Maybe this was his new lucky.
He shuffled his worn feet to the fire erupting out of the ground. Gingerly, he passed a tray of stones over the flames and watched as they broke down and drained off the tray. Sweat no longer trailed down his face; he was drenched in it; he was a trail of sweat. He coughed hoarsely as the heat trickled down his throat. He shuffled closer. Might be easier this way. He felt the stone floor burning into his leathered feet. He closed his eyes. he couldn't hold them open to oppose the flames. Just step in and be done. This Twork was finished. A smile crept across his face as he mouthed the word .. Twork.
Cool breeze. He shivered. When was the last time he had shivered? A soft breeze played across his burned and weathered cheek. He sighed as he dropped to his knees and fell back to sitting. It should have been shocking but it was good. It was comfortable. It said, relax, be at peace. It actually said that. His eyes popped open.
A blue fog filled the cavern so richly that he could no longer even make out the fire right in front of him. All his eyes could find was what appeared to be the figure of a man dressed in a cloak.
"Now is your time, my son. Your path is before you. Your stone has been melted away and here you are," the voice was rich and deep though set in a whisper. But the words delivered such authority. "Pick up your shovel; you have many stones to melt far away from here but your first lies deeper yet in these caverns. Go to him. Go to Dahr Groa."
The blue fog began to shimmer. "Even in darkness, light dawns for the upright."
Oved picked up his shovel and began to walk. The heat flared against him once again but with something less than it once had, he thought. He was supposed to go find .. him? Dah Groa? The Keeper of the Bloodsand Quarry Prison? The one in charge of keeping him trapped in this underground prison? Though his mind questioned his every step, Oved's every step set sure and soundly forward.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Late night / early morning ramble.
Always seek wisdom son
It will not seek you out.
Set your steps sure
Be more than you were
And leave behind your doubt.
For every forward step you take
Brings you closer ev'ry day
Forward on
Ever strong
Don't listen to them say;
"Watch your step; careful there
The way is much too hard.
Come over here
So much to fear
The way will see you scarred
Rest here instead; lay your head
What trouble would you find
Always seeking
Never peeking
At the fun you leave behind."
The hoarse and crackling voices
Would have you halt your quest
They hold you back
Drawn into black
Pulled off your track
They spare no slack
As they hack
And hack
And hack
Until you're wracked
With spilling tears
Your quivering fears
Only hear
Crack.
Crack.
Crack.
Always seek wisdom son
It will not seek you out.
Set your steps sure
Be more than you were
And leave behind your doubt.
The voices that you hear
They mumble to compare
His Voice thunders
Opens wonders
And burns fiery care
"... therefore get wisdom
Though it cost all you have
Understanding
Notwithstanding
As to a wound, your salve."
Forward on then, my son.
Don't listen to the world
It cheats and steals
Does what it feels
Its twisted, tossed and twirled.
Never stop your seeking
The cost is not too high
Ahead the light
Glorious and bright
Has set its sight
Upon your plight
Will burn the blight
From you.
According to your wisdom, son.
You will be praised.
ok, first crack here .. almost 1 in the morning. Feel free to critique. It will be easy because online, you can't hear me cry as you rip it apart. But I will type with a wet keyboard so if you don't see me for a few days I may have electrocuted myself, is that even possible with a keyboard, even so, my finger could slip on a key and might break as it gets caught on the F buttons. You were forewarned readers.
It will not seek you out.
Set your steps sure
Be more than you were
And leave behind your doubt.
For every forward step you take
Brings you closer ev'ry day
Forward on
Ever strong
Don't listen to them say;
"Watch your step; careful there
The way is much too hard.
Come over here
So much to fear
The way will see you scarred
Rest here instead; lay your head
What trouble would you find
Always seeking
Never peeking
At the fun you leave behind."
The hoarse and crackling voices
Would have you halt your quest
They hold you back
Drawn into black
Pulled off your track
They spare no slack
As they hack
And hack
And hack
Until you're wracked
With spilling tears
Your quivering fears
Only hear
Crack.
Crack.
Crack.
Always seek wisdom son
It will not seek you out.
Set your steps sure
Be more than you were
And leave behind your doubt.
The voices that you hear
They mumble to compare
His Voice thunders
Opens wonders
And burns fiery care
"... therefore get wisdom
Though it cost all you have
Understanding
Notwithstanding
As to a wound, your salve."
Forward on then, my son.
Don't listen to the world
It cheats and steals
Does what it feels
Its twisted, tossed and twirled.
Never stop your seeking
The cost is not too high
Ahead the light
Glorious and bright
Has set its sight
Upon your plight
Will burn the blight
From you.
According to your wisdom, son.
You will be praised.
ok, first crack here .. almost 1 in the morning. Feel free to critique. It will be easy because online, you can't hear me cry as you rip it apart. But I will type with a wet keyboard so if you don't see me for a few days I may have electrocuted myself, is that even possible with a keyboard, even so, my finger could slip on a key and might break as it gets caught on the F buttons. You were forewarned readers.
Just Funnies.
Flight of the Conchords - Issues
And sometimes a good laugh is just great. These guys are from New Zealand. Not all their stuff is clean though so you have to pick and choose.
My wife says I have a gift of rambling when I write and these guys can do that to music.
Sometimes ideas just flow though unless there is a dam. Beavers. Stop damming my imagination with your ingenuity and persistent work ethic. See. I was going to ramble and they got to me. I saw the first stick and I thought I could get this out before they floated in the entire forest but my work ethic is just no match for Canada's signature mammal. I yield good sir. I shall float across your newly created pond and dream of unstopped creativity, imagination unstoppable, and cake. oh man I ate too much cake at Ezra's birthday.
And sometimes a good laugh is just great. These guys are from New Zealand. Not all their stuff is clean though so you have to pick and choose.
My wife says I have a gift of rambling when I write and these guys can do that to music.
Sometimes ideas just flow though unless there is a dam. Beavers. Stop damming my imagination with your ingenuity and persistent work ethic. See. I was going to ramble and they got to me. I saw the first stick and I thought I could get this out before they floated in the entire forest but my work ethic is just no match for Canada's signature mammal. I yield good sir. I shall float across your newly created pond and dream of unstopped creativity, imagination unstoppable, and cake. oh man I ate too much cake at Ezra's birthday.
Helper.
So my oldest boy turned 5. Well, not officially but the party was tonight so for all intents and purposes, Ezra is 5. How did that happen? One minute he's the boy who pees on me every time I opened his diaper (sometimes twice) and now he is 5? Again, wow.
So much has changed.
I was walking behind him in church and I was almost overwhelmed by what a little man he is becoming. First off, I want to qualify everything here by saying I love all my boys and I absolutely try to pay no favorites. But this is my oldest's 5 year birthday so I am on a bit of a swell right now; in the moment so to speak.
I think almost every day I am amazed at his maturity. At 5. What was I doing at 5? Harrassing my mom undoubtedly, skipping out on kindergarten and generally just being problematic. It's ok, I know it's true. But Ezra has an air about him. Part of it I think is that he is so eager to learn. He wants to know everything. I know probably everyone says that but with Ezra ... I don't know ... he listens so closely and you can see him actually learning. He will be a man of great wisdom. I've had visions of the kind of men my two oldest boys will be. And I see them both growing into those visions, right before me. Even now I believe Ezra has great discernment between right and wrong but as a man I believe he will discern things others can't see. He will be a leader not so much as a "rah-rah" loud talker (see Eli) but he will lead by action. He will lead because he will see what others cannot or will not. He will lead because the way is clear to him. He will lead because he can see what is evil ... to be blunt. I am excited for him. And as his papa, perhaps, maybe, kinda, sorta, a little afraid. But mostly excited. What a start he has had. Wisdom. 29 God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. Measureless understanding. 7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, [a] get understanding. Though it cost you all. I see that desire in Ezra. I pray I never do anything to squash that. That nothing the world ever does can squash that. Always seek Ezra. Unceasingly.
I am very proud to say that you are my son, Ezra.
To that end, this song has been very meaningful to me. Ok, I was going to post the link to the song but instead, watch the video of the lead singer, Matt, from Sanctus Real talking about how the song came about. God needs us men to be as he designed us. I have a loooong ways to go but I don't want to ever stop trying.
Matt Hammitt from Sanctus Real
So much has changed.
I was walking behind him in church and I was almost overwhelmed by what a little man he is becoming. First off, I want to qualify everything here by saying I love all my boys and I absolutely try to pay no favorites. But this is my oldest's 5 year birthday so I am on a bit of a swell right now; in the moment so to speak.
I think almost every day I am amazed at his maturity. At 5. What was I doing at 5? Harrassing my mom undoubtedly, skipping out on kindergarten and generally just being problematic. It's ok, I know it's true. But Ezra has an air about him. Part of it I think is that he is so eager to learn. He wants to know everything. I know probably everyone says that but with Ezra ... I don't know ... he listens so closely and you can see him actually learning. He will be a man of great wisdom. I've had visions of the kind of men my two oldest boys will be. And I see them both growing into those visions, right before me. Even now I believe Ezra has great discernment between right and wrong but as a man I believe he will discern things others can't see. He will be a leader not so much as a "rah-rah" loud talker (see Eli) but he will lead by action. He will lead because he will see what others cannot or will not. He will lead because the way is clear to him. He will lead because he can see what is evil ... to be blunt. I am excited for him. And as his papa, perhaps, maybe, kinda, sorta, a little afraid. But mostly excited. What a start he has had. Wisdom. 29 God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. Measureless understanding. 7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, [a] get understanding. Though it cost you all. I see that desire in Ezra. I pray I never do anything to squash that. That nothing the world ever does can squash that. Always seek Ezra. Unceasingly.
I am very proud to say that you are my son, Ezra.
To that end, this song has been very meaningful to me. Ok, I was going to post the link to the song but instead, watch the video of the lead singer, Matt, from Sanctus Real talking about how the song came about. God needs us men to be as he designed us. I have a loooong ways to go but I don't want to ever stop trying.
Matt Hammitt from Sanctus Real
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